Boogie Nights by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth

by  Susan A. Haid

A few months ago, I purchased a multi-colored, rotating disco ball lamp for my kids. My intent was to have some fun from time to time dancing with my kids. What has surprised me is this: the addition of this tacky, retro-style lamp to my family room decor has turned our TV-dominated evenings into Boogie Nights.

My kids are 4, 8 and 11 years old. When I initially plugged in the “ball”, of course, I was the only one dancing for the first ten minutes.  My kids glared at me like I was the weirdest mom on Planet Earth.  Then, one child couldn’t resist the urge to move…then the next…and the next.  Soon, we were shaking, lurching, rocking, and bopping like it was 1999.  Since then, my kids have not stopped shaking their booties. We dance every day, at least once, sometimes more.   We have fun, we laugh, we  move it, move it. Try it and see the effects of this simple, no rules approach to joyfulness.

Can you imagine dancing with your parents when you were a kid? This is a memory I am thrilled my children will have to cherish. I will cherish it too, more than words can express.

These Boogie Days and Boogie Nights provide a beautiful, healthy example of liberation to our children. Moving the body frees the spirit, not through discipline or structure but rather through free expression. Free Expression.  Let those words sink in…

I want to raise my children to be free of repression. I want to raise my children to be wildly creative. I want my children to have the the outrageous courage to think outside the box. I want my children to know that every day there is time for joy.

So, for the rest of our lives, my kids and I will be dancing like the stars in our little family room. We won’t be waiting for a party, or a wedding, or a night out to do the wild thing.

By the time you read this, I’ll be workin’ it with my kids, or maybe even by myself.  It doesn’t matter. It’s  a happy thing…cut loose…try it.  Have you watched your kids dance lately?  It’s pretty entertaining.  You won’t be able to wipe the smile off your face.  I guarantee it.

For more tips and tools for parents, visit www.lilystruth.com where you will find cutting edge, new energy concepts in parenting.

Healthy Relationships and Balanced Sexuality in Teens by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth, www.lilystruth.com

by Susan A. Haid

Contemporary culture, the media, and society-at-large is full of conflicting messages for our teenagers, frequently delivering an exploitative, degrading and superficial model of sex and sexuality.   Now, more than at any other time in history, is when we need to support our kids in cultivating healthy relationships and balanced sexuality.  We need to be having conversations, on an ongoing basis, that aren’t about sex necessarily, these important discussions are about standards, boundaries, self-respect and self-worth.

How do we begin these talks?  Frankly, these conversations and messages to our children need to start when they are very young. Remember, the baseline conversation is not about sex, it is about self-respect and self-worth. This is also not a conversation about moral beliefs. Why? Because this is not about controlling or repressing our children’s nature desires, sexuality and self-expression.  This is about supporting our children in making choices that are firmly rooted in self-worth. We must help our kids understand what sexual and sensual feelings are, help them understand that these feelings and desires are natural and beautiful, and help them understand how to express them in a healthy way that honors them and leads to balanced, joyful and respectful relationships.

The foundation we can give our kids, that will evolve into healthy choices during the teen years and beyond, can be built upon the following principles:

1) Teach kids to respect and honor themselves, their thoughts, their feelings, their beliefs. Remove all fear-based teachings completely.   Teach kids to trust the authority within themselves rather than putting their power into an outside source.  When we teach a child to make choices that constantly please others, that please God, or that gives their power away to another person, this confuses them and disconnects them from doing what is best for themselves.  These traditional teachings prevent kids from making clear, conscious choices that honor their own being first.

2) Teach kids to take responsibility for their choices.  Their locus of control should be placed where it belongs to be effective, which is within themselves. Kids must learn to make choices and trust themselves in this process.  If they feel their life is controlled by an outside source alone, they will never take full responsibility for their choices and actions.

3) Teach kids to seek out relationships that are mutually honoring, compassionate and respectful. No games or manipulations allowed.  Safe, supportive, respectful relationships are the rule at all times.  If a child is in touch with their self-worth, this will happen naturally.  As parents, it is mandatory that we teach this by example.

4) Teach kids to get comfortable in their empowerment and their sovereignty: teach them to let go of dishonoring relationships and seek out relationships of a higher order.  Let kids know it is OK to terminate a relationship immediately that is dishonoring, disrespectful, unloving or unsafe.

5) Model these concepts yourself.   Accept only loving, honoring relationships in your own life. Create a safe space in your own life, in your own home, that has its roots in mutual honor and respect.   This is the rule to live by.

More than ever before, it is mandatory that we as parents guide our children and teens using a relationship model that goes beyond traditional rhetoric that attempts to control or repress developing sexuality in kids and teens. The truth is that these old modalities twist and damage our children’s sexual energy, leading to the development of dysfunctional sexual expression that kids carry throughout adulthood.  These old methods, based in morality teachings or fear/control-based beliefs, simply don’t work, and they do more damage than good.   The truth is that these old teachings result in extensive damage to a child’s developing sexuality.

The result is that the pendulum swings the other way; we then witness an eruption of dysfunctional, exploitative, and degrading sexual energies pervading our society.  This twisting of energies is seen not only in sexual expression alone, it is seen as acts of violence, oppression, manipulation and degradation of every kind.  This distortion has infected every institution and every governing body.  It is time we connected the dots here and cleaned this up, starting with our own families.  We are the only ones who can do it, you see.

It is time that we give our children new tools to live by, and we must choose them for ourselves first.

For more information about empowering your children, visit www.lilystruth.com for tools to help raise healthy, happy, successful kids.  Lily’s Truth was designed as a tool to support parents in raising amazing children.  Check it out!

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