The Effective Parent by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth

A Tool for Effective Parents & Empowered Kids

A Tool for Effective Parents & Empowered Kids

By Susan A. Haid

Here are Ten Principles of the Effective Parent:

1) Offer your children committed love. Let your children know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you love them and you will always love them no matter what. Make this a clear and consistent message.

2) Become the best educator of your children’s basic life skills that you can be. This is far more valuable than what you can ever buy them.

3) Teach your children to trust themselves more than anything else. Keep your children connected to their innate inner navigational equipment. Do not underestimate the power of self-trust; this is one of the greatest gifts you will ever give your child.

4) Give your children reasonable freedom to make choices for themselves. There is only one finer teacher than you are, and that is life experience itself.

5) Give your children the gift of time to themselves without tv or technology. This opens the doorway to imaginative play that cultivates a powerful, lasting form of creativity and resourcefulness that serves a child for a lifetime.

6) Make every effort to offer compassion to your child, even when discipline or consequences are required. Children are learning and therefore require explanations, education and understanding more than anything else. Make compassion your best friend.

7) Listen to what your children have to say, even if their words are contradictory. They have a lot to figure out in a very complex world. Listen and be present.

8) Give your children reasonable, basic responsibilities. Everyone in a household should contribute to the welfare of the family.

9) Enjoy your children for who they are. As parents, we have no other responsibility other than to honor and appreciate who our children already are.

10) Stop whatever you are doing and openly accept and receive your child’s love. Revel in it! Take the time to bask in it as often as possible. There is no greater gift you will ever receive. Let it heal you.

For helpful information about joyful, effective parenting and raising empowered children, visit www.lilystruth.com for more.

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How to Raise a Happy Kid: Part 1 by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth, www.lilystruth.com

by Susan A. Haid

When all is said and done, as parents and caregivers, more than anything else we want our children to be happy.   In providing for our child’s happiness, where does our responsibility begin and where does it end?  As a mother of three active, inquisitive and involved children, I can tell you that my kids never stop asking for what they want.  If I obliged every request, there would be no end to the fulfilment of their needs and desires.   And in this puzzle, where do I fit in?

Being a happy Mom is also part of the formula, you see.  My kids, like most other kids their age, are involved in sports, music, dance and more.  They also have a very active social life with their friends.  As you know, this requires a big commitment on my part to ensure that all of these activities happen on a regular basis.

So, on the days when we don’t have plans readily in place comes the inevitable question, “What are we doing today?” which is always followed by the expected yet incessant response, “I’m bored.”

In empowering my children, I realize that my kids must learn to take responsibility for managing their own happiness when they have time to themselves.  Now, we all know what kids do when they’re bored. They fight with each other.  It’s a game for them, it’s fun and it kills time.  This also can push even the likes of Mother Theresa over the edge within a matter of seconds.

So what is a parent/caregiver to do?  I have learned that a good measure of patience is required to get through the initial phase of boredom kids will experience.  Then there is the consequent whining, pouting and demanding that will initially ensue.  This is when I make a few firm, non-negotiable statements to my children that today they must entertain themselves.  Ofcourse, the emotional manipulations continue for a good long while, but then my kids seem to figure something out.

I have watched my kids make choices to entertain themselves based on the resources they have at home.   This is the birthplace of imaginative play and creative activities. This is when my kids walk out the door to play with rocks, sticks, dirt and grass.  This is when they enter the magical and wondrous world of their imaginations.  It’s getting beyond the initial resistance that is the hardest part.  I have learned to stand my ground and not give in to the whining, complaining and demanding because something wonderful is about to happen.

Some of the most beautiful experiences I have had in teaching my kids to take responsibility for entertaining themselves has occurred while we have been outdoors.  Out in the forest or by a stream, there is so much naturally available to keep a kid occupied without the crutch of a computer game, ipod or television.   Once a child gets immersed in nature, hours will pass by without a peep.  The next amazing thing that happens is that the child begins to relax and let go of the need to seek stimulation from other people or from technology.  With every hour a child is submersed in the magical world of nature, the child innately returns to his or her own peaceful state of being.  This is so healthy for our children.

Kids need down time.  Kids need time to be alone with themselves.  Some kids are better at being alone than others, but inevitably, time alone (preferably out in nature) is profoundly healing and balancing for each and every child.  It is also deeply restful and nuturing for parents and caregivers. 

Every now and then, make a point to walk away from life completely.  Teach your kids how to do it to.   Teach your kids also how to enjoy their own company.  This may seem inconsequential, but you have just unwittingly instructed your children on how to manage their own happiness.  This is simple, elegant and empowering.  This will bring peace and balance to your family and your life.  This will teach your children how to care for themselves and their tender inner spirits.   Everyday life is stressful for everyone, but you can always choose to leave it all behind for a few hours at a time.   This is a skill we teach our children by example.

Saying “no” to the constant demands to provide for a child’s happiness and “yes” to a child’s opportunity to fill their own time in a peaceful and nurturing setting is a great way to empower your child.   Give your children the gift of themselves.  Help them to become supremely comfortable in their own energy.  You are supporting the development of their sovereignty in doing so, and this is a most beautiful and blessed unfolding that is a result of liberating the inner spirit.

For more information about empowering kids, teens and families, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit www.lilystruth.com for more exciting details.

The ZEN of Parenting by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth

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by Susan A. Haid

The world is full of spiritual ideals, and for this, I am grateful. There is nothing I love more than delving into the bigger picture of who we are and why we are here. Exploring consciousness is such a marvelous journey, but at the end of the day, I also embrace the most practical, applicable elements of my discoveries and new understandings. What I laugh about is how often I hear the same spiritual truths over and over again, yet each time I have a deeper appreciation of their eternal meaning. As I continue to grow and evolve, as we all do, I get a clearer and more beautiful picture of life and its inherent wisdom.
Applying wisdom to parenting is certainly experimental is some ways yet not entirely so. And you certainly don’t need to have years and years of parenting experience under your belt to parent with ease and with joy. You also don’t need to have years of spiritual seeking behind you to parent with wisdom. I have three children. As every parent knows, every day is a new adventure, a new experience and a new challenge. What I am learning to do is come to the parenting process with a clean canvas in every moment. I have learned with practice to get out of my head. The thinking mind has its own set of beliefs and its controls. This is fine to a point.
Now, I am not proposing unconscious parenting devoid of logic or reason. What I am proposing instead is very conscious parenting; this type of parenting requires us to let go of all our preconceived ideas and controls imposed by our thinking mind. When we sit in the space of inner stillness, the place of no judgment or control, we actually open the door to higher understanding. We give ourselves the room to perceive events from a place that is truly a superior form of intelligence…the type of expansive intelligence that might be called intuitive. We then use our thinking mind to apply this innate and pure wisdom to our life circumstances.
So many people believe that wisdom must be earned but I can tell you otherwise. Step outside of your thinking mind from time to time and give yourself the gift of “no thought.” Simply allow yourself to be in this place of seeming nothingness, which is actually a pool of unlimited potentials. Play with this exercise as you parent your children. As you develop your skill, you will have amazing insights into yourself, your children, and your family among other things. You just may discover that the answers you’re looking for are innate to you. You may be able to let go of all your controls and find out that there is another way to parent that is better for you as well as for your kids.
Yes, this takes some conscious effort, but the rewards are worth it. The answers may come when you least expect them. The most beautiful part of intuitive parenting is that the answers and solutions are unique to you and your family. This does not imply that you cannot draw solutions from all around you, but it does imply that you are the final authority. This is an empowered way to live and to parent. It is a new way to find creative solutions and solve problems.
Much like the artist who works upon a clean canvas with each new creation, you can step outside of the ideas of your thinking mind and work from a very pure place of higher understanding to create your life in the most beautiful, original and unconventional way.
Although it has been said before, your life is your art. Why work from a soiled canvas when there is a clean, new one waiting for you?
For more exciting information about conscious parenting and raising children in wonderful new ways, or for more information about Lily’s Truth and Susan Haid, visit http://www.lilystruth.com.

Critical Factors for Raising an Empowered Child, Part 2: Teaching Children About Death by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth: a DVD for Empowering Parents and Kids

Freedomby Susan A. Haid

Teaching children about death depends of course on what you believe about death yourself. This article is based on my own personal experience with death and how I have handled the subject with my own children. These recommendations are for parents and caregivers who believe in the eternal nature of the soul. These recommendations are for those who want to change the old viewpoint of death replacing it with a new and enlightened understanding of what death really is. Ultimately, this is a gift to our children because they will have the opportunity to live, and die, peacefully without fear.
As the teachers of our children, death is something we must come to understand ourselves. It is critical that we move beyond the domain of “beliefs” into the realm of experience. We can teach our children what we believe or we can teach our children from the standpoint of our experience. There is no finer teacher than experience itself.  All we ever really need is an open mind to receive pure, unadulterated knowledge.
Now, here we could get into a lengthy conversation about “consciousness” and how it is NOT confined by the human body. Consciousness can travel anywhere at any time and knows no limits. This can be experienced by anyone and everyone in a body or not in a body.  So, what does this tell you about death?  Maybe it implies that death is simply a change of focus so to speak. Now, some would say that the experience of consciousness is just product of the imagination. But for those of us who have played with journeys in consciousness, well, our experiences simply cannot be explained away. Our experiences go far beyond the realm of the imagination and are powerful lessons in the true nature of the soul. So, because of my own vast experience over the past 25 years, I smile at the limited and controlled point-of-view that leads some people to deny the unlimited nature of our being. And if you need your own proof, I encourage you to seek and you will find.
This brings us back to the very basic lessons we give our children about death. Based on this very brief conversation, this is what we can teach our kids:

Lesson Number 1: Death is not an end to life, it is a continuation of life.  As all scientists know, energy never dies it simply changes form.  We never die, we simply change form.

Lesson Number 2: We are not just human beings, we are Consciousness Beings. Consciousness is not confined to the human body. It can move anywhere at any time. Death is a release of Consciousness from the human body only. This is all death really is…much like taking off your heavy winter coat and walking from one room to another. And remember that Consciousness is Unlimited. There are many amazing implications to being an Unlimited Being. Children are not yet locked down within the trap of limited belief systems…let them live freely and openly with very simple information that supports the truth of their existence and life experience. There is just no need for oppressing, complex teachings.

Lesson Number 3: Our reality is defined by our beliefs. Let us give our children the greatest gift of all by releasing all fear teachings about judgment and condemnation associated with death. These are very old beliefs that are based upon control. In my humble opinion, it is a violation of the pureness of a child to impose fear, judgment and condemnation into the heart of a child. And how can any person die in peace with any dignity whatsoever when they are wracked with guilt, fear and shame? For many of us, COMPASSION is the single most important teaching we can engender in our children. When compassion is rooted firmly in the heart of any person, there is truly no need for teachings based upon fear, shame, guilt and control. I have three loving, kind and generous children. I speak from experience.

Death is a part of life. In our family, we have experienced the transition of those who were very, very old and those who where very, very young. Death is never an easy event to face. But death is something we can experience through new eyes in a new way. Death can be experienced with dignity, honor and sweet celebration of the life lived. What is never to be forgotten is that death in not a final goodbye, it is simply a change of residence.

For more exciting information about raising empowered children, Lily’s Truth, or Susan A. Haid, visit www.lilystruth.com. What’s Your Truth? Take the journey…

How to Teach Your Children about Responsibility: 5 Tips For Ages 5 -12/PART 2 by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth

by Susan A. Haid

Every time I mandate that my three children, ages 3 to 10, help with the dishes, housecleaning, laundry, pets or some other mundane task, I prove to myself over and over again how important these experiences are for my children. Of course, their contribution makes my life easier. However, I clearly see that they are not only quite capable of accomplishing these tasks, they are learning to take responsibility for their own life in the process.

Here are five tips to teach kids how to take responsibility around the home and for their developing lives.

1. Help kids learn how to organize and manage their belongings.  We need to require that our kids clean their rooms, make their beds, put their own laundry away, keep track of their homework and school projects, sports gear, musical instruments and so on. Once in a while, we can give them a hand, but kids should know that they are the ones ultimately responsible for these duties.
2. Help kids become active contributors to life at home.  Every member of a home should contribute to the upkeep and management of the home. Age appropriate duties should be assigned to each family member, and once every week or two, the family should work together to accomplish these tasks. Duties such as dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, wiping down the countertops, raking leaves and even cooking are jobs kids of all ages can participate in. These duties give our kids the skills to become competent contributors as adults.
3. Help kids learn to set boundaries so they honor their own needs as well as respect the needs of others.  This is a fundamental lesson parents need to teach their kids. It’s OK in many circumstances to say no. We want our kids to stay in touch with what they may need and give them the skills to meet those needs. We also want our kids to be aware that everyone has the right to set boundaries when they are appropriate and necessary. This is a basic life skill.
4. Help kids learn to be accepting of differences.  Having nonjudgmental conversations about the differences we encounter in the viewpoints, lifestyle, beliefs and ideas of others is a basic tenet of building a philosophy of acceptance and compassion in our kids. These are great conversations to have because they ultimately help our kids get clear about who they are, what they think and what they believe. This also means that our kids should have a safe place to express their individual viewpoint even if it is different from our own.
5. Help kids accept the outcome of their choices and create new ones.
It is the ultimate empowerment experience when kids make their own choices and have their own resulting experiences. As parents, of course we need to be aware of what our kids are choosing so that we can intervene if it is necessary to do so. Although it is often difficult to give up control, we simply can’t make every decision for our kids. This deprives them of their experiences, the consequences of which are far less during childhood compared to adulthood. As often as it is reasonable to give our kids the authority to make choices for themselves, we should do so and understand we are respecting their individuality, honoring their learning process and building their knowledge of and confidence in themselves.

These are basic requirements that have worked well in my home so far. I respect the rights of my children to live freely and happily. As their mother, I want my kids to have the skills to manage their lives very well without me or without the help of anyone else if they choose. I want to help my children become empowered and sovereign. By giving them reasonable responsibilities and expectations, I hope to provide them with the simple knowledge about how to successfully manage their own lives after they leave home. And ultimately, I want them to soar!

For more helpful information about empowering children, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit www.lilystruth.com.

How to Teach Your Children about Responsibility: 5 Tips for Kids Ages 5-12/ PART 1 by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth

by Susan A. Haid

How long of a tether do you keep on your kids? The struggle for authority is an age-old dilemma. Who chooses? How much authority should we give our kids? Freedom is something we all need, yet how do we structure our lives so that we get what we need and our children have the appropriate setting in which to make their own choices, learn and grow?
As long as our kids are at home with us, there is a safety net beneath them. Certainly we want the most for our children. We want them to surpass our goals and achieve ones of their own. So we want them to grow. We want them to face challenges. As parents, where do we begin? How do we know what is appropriate, and how do we know exactly what our kids need to do to learn responsibility? This is a nagging question, and although there is no easy way through the parenting process, there are certain basic things we can do to help our kids become responsible adults.
Here are 5 basic strategies to help kids learn the basics:

1. Help kids develop knowledge of themselves and appreciation of their individuality.  We must give our kids the freedom to choose which activities and interests they wish to explore. It is our job to facilitate their discovery of their individual and very personal interests by listening to who they are and what they tell us. This means we do not impose our interests and ideas upon them. After offering to them various different opportunities, we accept and support their choices without judgment.
2. Help kids take ownership of their choices. We need to look at every experience our kids have as an opportunity to cultivate self-understanding. This means that when our kids make choices for themselves, they learn to evaluate the consequences without judgment from us. This gives them time to figure out certain life lessons for themselves within the parameter of a safe setting. This is far more impactful that mere rhetoric from us. We are here to listen and offer support during this process. It is a tremendously valuable experience to let our kids make reasonable choices cradled within the opportunity to start over when things don’t turn out as anticipated.
3. Help kids learn how to manage their time. As parents, we help our kids to do this by setting forth our expectations of their responsibilities for the day (homework, athletic or music practice, chores etc.) and then allowing them to accomplish their duties independently, of course with a gentle reminder or two along the way. There should be reasonable consequences in place for failure to accomplish general expectations.
4. Help kids to accept their feelings without judgment. This starts with our ability to accept our own feelings without judgment. Our kids observe how we accept, experience and appropriately express our feelings. This gives them the standard for accepting and expressing their own feelings. Then, we must give our kids the space to appropriately feel their feelings without judgment. This gives our kids the beautiful knowledge about how to take responsibility for their own feelings when they are in a safe space to do so.
5. Help our kids to set their goals for the day, weeks or months ahead. We must set aside some time to listen to what our kids are hoping to experience in the days, week and months ahead. This gives us the opportunity to discuss what might be possible for our child to accomplish and experience with our help and support. This helps our kids learn how to take charge of their life by actively pursuing their developing interests by making them become a reality.

Setting forth strict and uncompassionate guidelines deprives our kids of their ultimate authority in the long run. Conversely, setting forth no guidelines whatsoever undermines the development of a child’s sense of authority and mastery over their life.
Let kids see the results of their own choices. Let them hear the impact of their own words. They must be able to experiment with the world before them.
Part 2 of this article coming soon! In the meantime, for more information about conscious parenting, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit www.lilystruth.com.

How to Empower Your Children by Susan A. Haid, Author/Producer, Lily’s Truth

 

Lily's Truth

Lily's Truth

by Susan A. Haid

 

So you want to be happy?  You should be happy.  You truly deserve to be happy.  In fact, you should be more than content.  You should be more than modestly gratified.  You should be and can be living an intoxicatingly, ecstatic existence.  In this world of tremendous challenge and confusion, you can be deliriously happy.  You can find your passionate life.  You, yes, you can find yourself swimming in a glorious, clear limpid pool of unlimited fulfillment.  And what’s best of all, when you learn to do it, your kids will learn to do it, and so on and so on.

 

            But before you dive in to that indulgent pool of supreme rapture, there are a few fundamental concepts to contemplate.  I am going to get you started with the first basic lesson I have to offer.  I will be brief and to the point, but the work, the real work, is then up to you.  You see, you may not understand where I am leading you just yet, but you are going on a journey.  Pack very lightly.  All you need is some time and a Kleenex or two.  Let’s be on our way…

 

            Now, don’t be put off by my first question.  I can assure you that after many years of experience, most people don’t know the authentic answer to this question; do you know who you are?  Do you really know what YOU think, what YOU believe, and most tellingly, what YOU feel?

 

            You see, you may think you do, and perhaps you do.  If so, you have accomplished an amazing feat in a world that constantly tells us who we should be, how we should look, how we should act and what we should be doing.  The pressure to live up to this artificial standard is aimed point blank at our hearts.  The bullets are delivered through a constant bombardment of external, unrealistic, unloving messages that shoot mercilessly and painfully from all directions at once.

 

            What ultimately happens, then, is that we lose touch with our most basic truth: ourselves.

 

            So ask yourself these simple questions as a contemplative exercise, “Who am I?  What do I think?  What do I believe?  What do I feel?”  As you do this, take a look at who you are expected to be by others.  What is the identity you have created for yourself that serves the needs, beliefs and ideas of others?  As you are delving within yourself, don’t be ashamed of what you might find.  You may laugh.  You may cry.  You may see that you have denied, covered-up, or buried the beautiful, original creature you truly are.  You have done it in love and service to others.  And this is an honorable thing.

 

            But the idea of self-sacrifice is an old and outdated one.  Now is the time to throw convention to the wind.  Now is the time to let go of all the beliefs you have about yourself and your world.  Now is the time to rise and shine.  And, there is only one path to follow; you must liberate the truth within yourself.  It will require strength.  It will require courage.  Above all, it will require self-knowledge.  It will catalyze the birth of your rightful self.  It is the single most empowering act you will ever accomplish.  There is no more denying you, the REAL you.  And as you are like a phoenix rising, remember also that this is the greatest gift you will ever give to yourself, your children and the world.

 

For more exciting information about conscious living and conscious parenting, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit www.lilystruth.com.

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